(rated R)
3,200 years ago Paris (Orlando Bloom), a prince of Troy stole Helen (Diane Kruger), Queen of Sparta, away from her husband, Menelaus, setting the kingdoms of Greece at war with Troy. Translation: Helen had a face that launched a thousand ships. It is Achilles (Brad Pitt), the greatest warrior among the Greeks who will meet his match in this ten year bloody battle, with Hector (Eric Bana) brother to Paris, and son to the King (Peter O’Toole). With its own set of Greek tragedies, this movie’s production endured two hurricanes, not to mention the Iraqi war which bumped filming from Morocco, and then there was Pitt having a real life Achilles tendon problem (no pun on the Achilles’ heel). And yet this ballooned budget of 200 million with its Trojan horse, swords, sandals and considerable liberties of Homer’s tale, lacks in the substance and credibility one would expect when tinkering with Greek philosophers and myths. Pitt comes off amateurish — mid-western home grown (especially with his soft baby voice when attempting a loud battle cry) among the more sophisticated British and Australian actors. But really does that matter when salivating over Pitt’s surfer blonde locks and bronzed bulging biceps? It is O’Toole as King and Bloom as Paris who steal the show with genuine emotion and humility. “Perfect Storm” director Wolfgang Petersen can deliver impressively choreographed battle scenes, but is a fish out of water at delivering anything beyond, especially with lame dialog as this: “may God keep the wolves in the hills and the women in our bed.” Huh? He deserves the “Das Boot” in the butt for that one.
